We've reached the end of Round 4 for 2014 and this blog has been very quiet. Let me explain why.
Not long after posting my goals, some small voice inside me spoke very frankly and said, "You cannot do justice to two significant commitments in your life." (I think there's a quote in the Bible somewhere about a man not being able to serve two masters... That was the gist of the idea here, too.)
I have a vision of the type of Mother I know is right for me and my family. I also had a good insight into the type of Writer I am, delving deep into the process and staying there for hours.
Never the twain shall meet, as they say. Because the delving deep is part of who I am, and delving deep into Motherhood is no exception.
Trying to fulfill both commitments was making me very unhappy. I could not fully concentrate on either one. I'd have ideas I'd be daydreaming over when my family needed my attention, or I'd be pondering some family issue while I was supposed to be writing.
Commiting to something means making sacrifices somewhere else, and when I looked at it clearly, time with family was not something I was willing to put aside. It just wasn't working, and it was this struggle that was causing me grief, a lot of which spilled out into this blog, and I thank all my fellow ROWers for their support during those times.
So, I made a decision. For the foreseeable future, writing is no longer a priority. My focus is solely on my young family and my husband.
And that decision has given me so much relief. I can breathe again. No more torment over not reaching goals. No feelings of frustration any more. I've freed up so much energy and time and I feel far more relaxed than I have in ages. I'm actually enjoying myself again, living in each moment as it arrives. And I can see the difference in my family. They are also more relaxed and calm.
It's not a farewell to writing for ever, just farewell for now. It's the right decision and, in the end, it wasn't even a very difficult one. It made sense. For me and for my values and for my family.
Wishing all my fellow ROWers a happy holiday season and many, many blessings in 2015. :)