|Image by Karen Arnold at publicdomainpictures.net|
In order to turn away from the world and focus on my writing, I need to know that the life I'm leaving outside my writing space will still be there when I come back to it; intact and everyone in it safe. Maybe it's just me, and some of the other ROW80 writer-mothers can chime in on this, but I worry that if I'm not around, Things Will Happen Which I Did Not Foresee And Therefore Could Not Take Measures To Guard Against.
I need help.
If I were to dream big, then my dream is of a wonderful, sunny, smiling lady who breezes into our lives and keeps an eye on my little guy in our home while I write. She loves him as much as I do and she has a way with him. He loves her back. I can relax and write. No need to worry. About anything. No need to keep my mum-radar switched on for the silences that denote mischief-in-the-making, or for the subaudible sounds that I hear when my little guy needs rescuing or needs a warm embrace to soothe his hurts.
I need a fairy godmother, I suspect.
I've just been reading "Writing in Overdrive" by Jim Denney and a couple of his paragraphs stood out.
In order to write in overdrive, you cannot view writing as a hobby.
and this one:
The worst distractions are emotional distractions ... Beware of emotional distractions that can block your Muse.
Excuse me while I bury my head in some chocolate cake to kick-start some major endorphins here. <Sigh>
You see, the thing is, my family comes first. It's as simple as that. I know that the biggest regret I will ever have at the end of my life is if I did not spend enough quality time with them. I know that my writing, even as much as I love it, does not hold a candle to the two beautiful souls in my family.
So my struggle is, how can I love and care for them and still write? (And do everything else?)
I know the words - you have to look after yourself, provide for yourself, make sure your own well is filled, set a good example to your child by showing him how important it is to go after your dreams etc. etc. But they really are just words to me right now, because I can't see a way to make it work. There are no fairy godmothers.
Maybe this post should have been titled On Being a Mother. Who Writes. Sort of.
Now, I haven't given up on writing or anything drastic like that. I've simply reached a low point where the trampoline needs a bit of restringing to get me bouncing again. I may be dangling off the side but I'm not giving up. Somehow I'm going to find a win-win for us all.
On a more positive note, we're still not completely over our bugs, but we're all much improved. Yay.
And so, let's move on to the ROW80 update.
Goals from last week
- Comment on three other ROW80 blogs; I commented on about 6, I think.
- Write the Mirror Moment for my revision-in-progress; Done, but I'm not at all happy with it
- Create a badge for the writing project; I know what I'd like it to look like and I'm considering going to an illustrator on Fiverr.com with my idea
- Finish one of the flash fictions. I actually sat down this morning to do this, but because of an emotional distraction it just didn't happen.
And that's it for this Round. Hopefully by the next Round I'll have some system in place that allows me to balance family and writing in a way that's win-win for everyone involved.
And go check out how the other ROW80 writers are doing.