And that scared me.
|Image couresy of Wiki Commons|
The fear is always there, but it's particularly strong if I miss a day or two of writing writing (i.e. not worldbuilding, character profiling, or plotting). I'm afraid of sitting down and nothing happening. No words appearing for me to write. I am afraid of not writing, so a part of me thinks if I don't show up to write, then I won't feel the loss and disappointment that the writing didn't come, because I wasn't there for it not to come.
Does that make sense?
Yet, not showing up is a deliberate 'not writing', the very thing I'm afraid of!
I named this blog Stepping Stones for a reason, and the url is not by chance, either: it was all about taking small steps, one step at a time. It was about being calm and relaxed. Not rushing, not putting myself under pressure.
All I have to do is show up. And I need to make a distinction between showing up and the end result. The end result has nothing to do with me (that's Inspiration, or the Divine, or the Muse) but the showing up? That's when the ball is firmly in my court and I can either come onto the court and play the game or walk away. My choice.
Showing up is very easy, really. It's simply sitting down and picking up the pen. It's daydreaming about my characters and their story. I'ts listening to my playlist and letting the music lull me further into the story. It's thinking about the possible twists and turns the story can take. It's about allowing myself to be inspired. Giving myself the opportunity to be inspired, regardless of whether or not the inspiration turns up in the end.
I don't expect the fear will ever go away. But I don't have to let it stop me from sitting down and picking up my pen.
Showing up. That's my job. That's all I have to do.
And let the results take care of themselves.
Gotta remember that. :)
|Image courtesy of hotblack at Morguefile.com|